Home > IFL Madness > Cartoon Characters Pick Their Final Four

Cartoon Characters Pick Their Final Four

First off, here’s what happened last night in the First Four of the NCAA Tournament.

  • UNC-Asheville 81, Arkansas-Little Rock 77 OT: This game was exciting and painful at the same time.  The Trojans seemed to be in control of this game, with the Bulldogs getting spurts from time-to-time to keep it close and try to take over the lead.  The Trojans went cold to close out regulation, but UNC-Asheville’s Matt Dickey hit a three from the corner to tie the game and take it to overtime.  From there, it was back-and-forth at the start, but the Bulldogs eventually prevailed, and set up a date Thursday in D.C. to get destroyed by Pitt.  This game was painful because both teams made numerous ball handling mistakes.  There’s a reason they ended up in one of the 16-seed play-in games.
  • Clemson 70, UAB 52: Everyone threw a bitch-fit after the pairings came out as to why UAB made the field over other teams like Colorado, St. Mary’s, Boston College, and more.  This game proved why.  Clemson busted out a 21-4 run early in the second half and never looked back.  Sure, the Blazers tried to make a game of it at the end of the first half with a barrage of threes, but the Tigers were just too strong.  And to add insult to injury, UAB senior guard Aaron Johnson had his foot go in a direction that it should not have gone on a breakaway for Clemson, breaking his leg.  Clemson now gets to play in the first game of the day on Thursday, something the CBS/Turner people (save Greg Anthony) threw a bitchfit about last night.  But then they photoshopped Charles Barkley on a bunch of obese people, and all was well.
  • Today’s games: (16) Texas-San Antonio vs. (16) Alabama State and (11) USC vs. (11) VCU.  Side story, when my in-laws and sister-in-law came in all the way from Cyprus for my wedding back in December of 2007, I took them all to a Bradley Braves game with some friends.  That Saturday night, they were hosting VCU.  VCU destroyed Bradley, and the discussion amongst the in-laws and friends eventually turned into a passionate debate about ‘The Notebook‘.

So now that that is out of the way, you have one day left to sign up for and fill out your brackets for IFL Madness.  I think I have the right link today to get the invites in.  I have nothing on the way of tips today, so I decided to go in a different direction.  Today we’re going to hear from a group of people that is never called upon for their brackets in this wonderful time of year….cartoon characters.

Here’s a few that I got a hold of, and what they told me on who they’re picking to make it to Houston.

First, Timmy Turner from the Fairly OddParents…

So this guy contacted me the other day about this basketball tournament and my thoughts on it.  I don’t know anything about it!  I’m only 10!  But then my parents left me again to my mean, sadistic babysitter Vicky, and I decided that doing what this unknown and older man said was more appealing than Icky Vicky torturing me.  So I asked my fairy godparents, Cosmo and Wanda


Wanda: Timmy!  You’re not suppose to mention us!  That’s part of Da Rules!

Timmy: What?  Why not?  This is going on a blog that no one reads!

Cosmo: But…*tears up*…if no one reads it, how will I spread the word about Phillip?

Timmy: *ignores him, holds up bracket* What do I do with this?

Wanda: *looks at bracket* Oh it’s easy Timmy.  All you do is just write down who you think will win each game.  It’s so easy, an idiot can do it. *points to Cosmo, who’s crying over a photo of Philip the nickel*

Timmy: *smiles* That seems easy to do.

Wanda: Don’t you have homework to do?

Cosmo: *stops crying* It doesn’t matter! *big, goofy smile* Let Timmy do something that he might fail at, instead of something he will fail at.  WHEEEEEEEE!!!! *floats in circles around room*

Timmy: *glares at Cosmo, gives Wanda a bracket* Just…poof it filled for me.

Wanda: You know Da Rules… *raises eyebrow*

Timmy: *sighs* I wish my bracket was filled out for me.

Wanda: *holds up glowing wand, poofs bracket filled*

Timmy: *takes bracket back and studies it* North Carolina, San Diego State, Kansas, and Wisconsin?  Kansas over North Carolina?

Wanda: There’s your Final Four!

Next up, Rainbow Dash from My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic…

Oh my gosh, I love watching basketball!  Everypony runs around so fast and fly so high in the sky!  It’s like when I fly through the clouds, perfecting my spins and moves so I can get into the Wonderbolts.  I could beat anypony on the court too!  I’d use my Super Speed Strut to get past the defense!  Then my Fantastic Filly Flash to soar high and slam the ball in the net!  And then my Buccaneer Blaze would….

*orange pony in cowboy hat taps RD’s shoulder*

Rainbow Dash: *looks behind her* Applejack?  What are you doing here?  Are ponies drawing us and writing stories about us as lesbians again?

Applejack: *confused* What?  No…*shakes head*…no no Sugar-Cube.  I was just sent in by the kind blogpony here to tell y’all to stop ramblin’ ‘n make your picks.

Rainbow Dash: *flops, pouts* Fine…*looks at the bracket*  I’ll take Ohio State, Texas, Purdue, and Pittsburgh.  Ohio State over Pittsburgh.

Next up is Master Shake from Aqua Teen Hunger Force…

Hello there.  It is I, Master Shake, of the Aqua Teen Hunger Force.  I’ve been asked for my expert opinion on this…’March Madness’ that they speak of.  I am aware of this event, and the gambling purposes it provides.  Every year I enter 100 brackets at $50 a pop.  I like to do this to increase my odds, because I have to pay off Geddy Lee somehow.  This will be the year that I win it all!  Now give me a bracket…*takes one, studies it*  There’s games in Newark this year?  I will have to get Carl to road trip to those games.  I heard his patrons an establishment down there call ‘Mugs ‘n Jugs’, and it can’t be worse than that ‘carnival’ that I sold Meatwad to.  Let’s see….*looks at bracket* I will pick Syracuse, Connecticut, Kansas, and Michigan State.  And Syracuse to defeat Kansas to win it all.

And finally, from Total Drama, Duncan

‘Sup?  I got asked to take part in this ‘celebrity’ bracket prediction thing for some basketball thing down in the States.  I said yes, because I’m on a roll lately.  I won Total Drama Action, and I traded up girlfriends and got a better girl in Gwen (ed. note: I’d rather have your ex, Gwen’s a pseudo-goth).  Pretty good for an ex-con, huh?  And look who I’m going up against here; a 10-year-old bucktoothed brat, a freak-of-nature horse, and talking frozen milk.  Gotta like my odds there.  *looks at bracket* I’m really liking this Duke team.  I can relate with their mascot, the Blue Devils.  Who else here? *looks at bracket again* Oh man, West Virginia, I like their style.  Can’t go wrong with a good couch burning. *makes them down* And I’ll take Notre Dame and BYU to balance it out, if you get what I mean.  Devils and Catholics and all.

*police sirens in background*

Uh-oh!  Better bolt!  *spray paints t-shirt logo on a brick wall* Duncan rules! *runs away*

So now that you have seen the picks, who you think will be the top ‘bracketologist’ in the group?  Vote!

And finally, for putting up with all that, your daily blast of Gus Johnson.  Today, I do not embed a video.  Instead, a link to a New York Times article done on the legend, that features an interactive gallery with some of his famous calls (that we haven’t featured yet).  Personally, the one from last Saturday’s Pac-10 championship game is superb and a must-see.


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