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IFL Theater: Franklin’s Therapy

First off, Happy Easter to everybody who reads this!

Now, back to the (delayed) edition of IFL Theater.

Ryan Franklin, ex-closer for the St. Louis Cardinals, is not a happy camper lately.  His stats after another troubling time on the mound yesterday are a 0-2 record, 7.87 ERA, with 3K’s and 3 walks, and only 1 save.  He has 4 blown saves, which is more the double what he had for all of 2010.  Because he’s been so bad, the Cardinals are now in a closer-by-committee situation.

To make matters worse, the fans have seemingly turned on him.  He was booed yesterday after giving the Cincinnati Reds the lead, blowing any chance of a win for Chris Carpenter (which I needed this week, thank you very f***ing much), and booed after he gave up a home run in the first game of a doubleheader Thursday against the Washington Nationals.  How did he respond?  Quote:

“They’re supposed to be the best fans in baseball.  Yeah, right,” said Franklin, according to NBC Sports.

Franklin later apologized for his words, but his frustration can clearly be seen.

Yeah, that apology probably won’t help you now.  There’s already talk that he’s done in St. Louis after his contract this up this season.

So, with that in mind, this week’s edition of IFL Theater will deal with what could happen to Ryan Franklin going forward.  And yes, there will be animated characters….

*Miller Park, Milwaukee, WI*

Mike Shannon: *in radio booth* 6-4 Cardinals as we start the bottom of the ninth here.  Ryan Franklin is on for a chance at a save, as the Brewers send the heart of their lineup out.

Rickie Weeks: *stands in box, stares down Ryan Franklin*

Ryan Franklin: *throws pitch*

Rickie Weeks: *hits ball up the middle, base hit*

Ryan Braun the Lemur: *bug-eyed, scatters into batter’s box, sniffs home plate, readies to swing*

Ryan Franklin: *pitches*

Ryan Braun the Lemur: *base hit past Ryan Theriot*

Mike Shannon: First and second now, nobody out, and their big bopper coming to the plate.

Prince Fielder: *drinks bag of nacho cheese sauce, steps into batter’s box*

Ryan Franklin: *pitches*

Prince Fielder: *swings, hits ball into I-94*

Brewers Fans: *loud cheering*

Mike Shannon: Fielder with a walk-off blast and the Brewers win it.  Totals in a minute.


*Busch Stadium, St. Louis, MO*

Mike Shannon: Tony’s putting his faith in Franklin again tonight with the Cardinals up on the Nationals here in the 9th, 7-4.

Ryan Franklin: *deep breath, pitches*

Adam LaRoche: *solo homerun, trots*

Ryan Franklin: *mutters swear words*

Ian Desmond: *steps into box*

Ryan Franklin: *pitches*

Ian Desmond: *bunts, speeds to a double*

Rick Ankiel: *steps into batters box, receives standing oviation, is allowed to go to first because St. Louis still loves him*

Mike Shannon: *chuckling* Good ol’ Rick, he’s been through a lot here.  Two on now with nobody out.

Jayson Werth: *steps into batter’s box*

Ryan Franklin: *pitches a meatball*

Jayson Werth: *swings, hits ball all the way back to his childhood home in Springfield*

Mike Shannon: Werth with the blast and the Nationals are up 8-7, coming all the way back here in the 9th.  We’ll see if the Cards can respond in the bottom half.

Ryan Franklin: *gets three outs, leaves field*

Cardinals Fans: *intense booing to Franklin*

*bottom of the 9th*

Skip Schumaker: *strikes out*

Yadier Molina: *grounds out on soft roller*

Ryan Theriot: *strikes out*

Mike Shannon: And that’ll do it.  Warshington wins tonight, totals in a minute.


*Cardinals locker room, after the game*

Jeff Gordon: Tough one again tonight, Ryan.  Thoughts on the game?

Ryan Franklin: *angry* F***ing backwater inbred hicks.  Mother f***ers booing me?  Booing me?  Not all my fault.  Dumbf***s think they’re so great and wonderful and supportive.  F*** ’em.  They can take their Buds and shove it up their ass.


*next day, Tony LaRussa’s manager’s office*

Tony LaRussa: Franklin’s losing it.  Going to have to take him out of the closer’s role until he can get his act together.

Dave Duncan: Well I ran out of that ‘magic juice’ that makes pitchers better than they should be.  Loshe has been taking mounds of it this season.

Tony LaRussa: Someone’s gotta take Adam’s share.

Dave Duncan: Ryan seems more moody and angry lately too.  That could be his issue.  Saw him outside screaming at hobos and mooning fans at Lambert.

Tony LaRussa: That’s an issue.

Dave Duncan: Let’s get him some therapy and see if that fixes everything.

Tony LaRussa: Good idea. *nods, pulls out whiskey bottle*  Kick back a few before the game?

Dave Duncan: You know it.


*therapy office, New York, NY*

Dr. Katz, Professional Therapist: So….uh….Ryan…uh….tell me what’s….troubling you.

Ryan Franklin: *pouting on couch* Everybody in St. Louis hates me.  Just because I can’t get batters out this season.  It’s only April, I was going to get it in time.  But now my manager’s being a bitch and demoted me.

Dr. Katz: Well…do you feel that everything that’s happened is your fault?

Ryan Franklin: *scoffs* I just pitch it, I can’t do everything.  Can’t help it if that crybaby Colby dropped a ball.  Not my fault.

Dr. Katz: Didn’t you give up a walk-off to the Dodgers recently?

Ryan Franklin: *silent fume*

Dr. Katz: You said the fans hate you?

Ryan Franklin: ‘Best fans in baseball’ my ass.

Dr. Katz: Don’t you feel like that maybe they have some legitimate reason to be upset if their team isn’t performing well?

Ryan Franklin: They’ve always been out to get me.  *sneering*  They’ve never liked me as closer.  They think I don’t deserve.  My stats the past couple years say that I’ve done a well enough job.  We made the playoffs in ’09.

Dr. Katz: Well shouldn’t fans expect top-notch performances from their team, day-in and day-out?  I know you’ve struggled since you won the World Series.

Ryan Franklin: They shouldn’t ‘boo’ me because I’m struggling.  I thought we were a team, and the fans are suppose to back you no matter what.  Not turn on you.

Dr. Katz: Well…why don’t you think of it this way.  Just imagine you’re in the stands watching the game.  Imagine how you would feel if you had a sure win, fade away.  Wouldn’t that make you upset?

Ryan Franklin: …I guess…it would.

Dr. Katz: Just remember that the next time, and you’ll feel better.


*a week later, Cardinals vs. Cubs, Busch Stadium*

Mike Shannon: Two away here in the top of the ninth and the Cardinals with a comfortable lead, 8-3.  Ryan Franklin trying to close this one out and send Cardinal Nation home happy.

Kosuke Fukudome: *steps into batter’s box*

Ryan Franklin: *pitches*

Kosuke Fukudome: *hits ball up middle, base hit*

Ryan Franklin: All right, nothing wrong.  I’ll wave that off.  The fan in me is still feeling good.

Geovany Soto: *steps into batter’s box, rips a Ryan Franklin slider into the right field corner*

Ryan Franklin: *huffs* All right, I can shake that off.  Still two outs, and up big.  No big deal.

Alfonso Soriano: *walks on four straight pitches*

Cardinals Fans: *groans and grumbling*

Ryan Franklin: *mutters to self* The fan in me is worried and annoyed, but I still feel fine.  I won’t blow this.

*Cubs bat around, get within one run, bases loaded*

Cardinal Fans: *restless, getting angry*

Ryan Franklin: *angry too* Alright.  The pitcher is up.  The fan in me knows I can get this and end this g** damn game.

Carlos Marmol: *comes into batter’s box backwards, has to be corrected by umpire*

Ryan Franklin: This should be easy.  *pitches*

Carlos Marmol: *swings, spins, misses*

Umpire: Strike one.

Ryan Franklin: *pitches*

Carlos Marmol: *swings wildly, misses*

Umpire: Strike two.

Cardinal Fans: *stand up, cheering for a win*

Ryan Franklin: *takes a deep breath* Alright, one more.  *pitches*

Carlos Marmol: *swings widly, hits the ball*

Ryan Franklin: *looks up and behind*

Len Kasper the Frog: *high-pitch* Deep fly ball into left.  Holliday looks up.  Grand slam home run! *flails* YAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAYYYYYYYYYYYY!!!!!!

Ryan Franklin: *screams* F****************!!!!!!!

Cardinal Fans: *intense booing, hateful chants*

Tony LaRussa: *comes out of the dugout, walks to the mound* That’s enough Ryan, we’re pullin’ ya.

Ryan Franklin: *walks off, leaves to chorus of boos*

Random Cardinals Fan: *screams at Franklin* You suck you bum!

Ryan Franklin: *roars and charges at random Cardinals fan, starting melee in the stands*

Tony LaRussa: *watches the scene at mound with infield players* So…happy now?

Albert Pujols: King Albert is pleased.  Send him to the Marlins tomorrow.

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  1. August 11, 2011 at 8:44 AM

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